It has been a couple of months since my last blog post, and with intent I wanted to come back with a beautiful, heartfelt and real adventure. The journey through the divine, scary and unknown.
It is in these moments that we find what emotions hinder us from making “good decisions”, or at least we think we know. Why is it that when you have to make a hard but good decision you often feel as though it was not a good decision?
Well, I can say that it is probably, the confidence waning or the want of comfort to make its way back to make everything “better” again.
But does it really make things better, or is it our uncontrollable fear that creeps in, kills your confidence and tells you to find your “comfort place” or that feel like “home”. Is it home? Or is it a place that we created that makes us feel like it is good because we do not want to travel in the unknown. The unknown is sometimes what we need to break the cycle that we created.
We need to get ourselves out of our shell and travel deeper.
I have been blessed enough to have been able to travel on a remarkable journey over the last year, with amazing women and teachers.
When I first took the steps to start this journey, I had no idea what I was doing. I knew I wanted to become a yoga teacher but I didn’t really understand what it was “TO BE” a yoga teacher. The work that you must do on yourself to be able to show the world who YOU are.
And you think after all this time being in the same body for 30 years you would think that YOU knew who you are.. Amazingly enough, I didn’t know who I was anymore, I have conditioned myself to be a zombie, asleep and not present in my own life. I knew what I was capable of, but I didn’t realize that once I “let go” and “live, and let live” beautiful, scary and indifferent things began to unfold.
I was awakening my true self.
I have realized that I have been holding on to the comforts of the past, the old relationships, the old ways of doing things, the old attitude, and the same old outlook. But these people, things and ways are no longer serving me on the new road or journey that I am embarking on. How do you walk away from a loved one, especially someone whom you shared so many years of your life with?
I have been told and read in some places even, that it is okay to love someone and let them go at the same time. Yes, of course this is hard and it hurts like hell, as you are giving up something that you wanted some bad and worked so hard to make it what it is, just for someone else to come in and create what you aspired for the both of you.
Unfortunately, this is life. And those same things that led a person or people to that place, will eventually come up and you will never have what you envisioned. As it is only that, something you envisioned and hoped that you could be. These are hard life lessons that no one will ever understand but we must not try to understand them anymore as you will always be in the past.
We can only hope that and believe that someone self-less, loving and real is it out there! And they are, they walk along you every day, they wake up with you.
You guessed it, it is YOU. Before anything that we truly desire can manifest in our lives, we must learn to love ourselves first.
And that is what this journey over the last year has taught me. That I love myself to walk away from something that no longer serves a purpose but still love. I love myself to ensure I am happy each and every day, and I love myself to say “hey, maybe you need to do you without regret or feeling guilty.
And that is just what I am doing. The universe has hard lessons to show, but it is only through those lessons that if we listen with an open heart, see with love that we truly grow into ourselves. I am beyond blessed for what these last five months have shown, and I am only grateful for the continued bountifulness that I will continue to receive as I welcome the unknown and the scary for the first time with open arms.
As it is not the unknown that we should fear, but knowing what it could be if we stay in our comfort zone.